President Joe ‘Forrest Gump’ Biden

 

Joe Biden can’t help himself, he has to make everything about himself. It’s like he was standing next to someone who said, “Man, that Barack Obama sure is a narcissist” and Joe responded with “Hold my beer.” But Biden is a famous teetotaler, which means he can’t blame any of his stupidity on being drunk of having drank too much in the past, he’s just naturally dumb, which brings us nicely to the Forrest Gump analogy – because, in his mind at least, Joe Biden is the Forrest Gump of modern American history.

I don’t say because the President and the fictional character both have IQs below 70 (more like 50 in Biden’s case, but whatever), I say it because both weave themselves into every significant event in their lifetimes and neither were actually there. In Gump’s case it’s because he’s a fictional character, in Biden’s it’s that he’s just a straight-up liar.

After the collapse of the Frances Scott Key Bridge in Baltimore, Biden couldn’t just make a statement, he had to insert himself into the story. Biden said, “At about 1:30, a container ship struck the Francis Scott Key Bridge, which I’ve been over many, many times commuting from the state of Delaware either on a train or by car.” (Emphasis added)

There were no train tracks on the bridge, and the only way you’d drive across it on the way from Wilmington to DC is if you wanted that drive to take even longer, like a half hour longer. In other words, nothing Biden said there was remotely true. Even if it were, what would it have possibly mattered? Would grieving families feel some relief from the idea that this senile, corrupt bag of bones unable to walk up the adult steps onto Air Force One had driven over a bridge their loved ones died on? 

Of course not. But Biden can’t help himself. He has to make any story about him, even a little, or else he has no interest. The Gold Star families with which he’s met can all recount how this pile of garbage told them he understands their loss because his son, Beau, died in Iraq. Only he didn’t die anywhere near Iraq, he died in a hospital in Bethesda, Maryland.

Their loved ones died unexpectedly and suddenly, he had the ability to say goodbye to his son, who’d served a 9-month tour of duty as a JAG officer in the Green Zone of Iraq, coming away unharmed. But Joe can’t just care about other people’s loss, he has to make it about him to give the impression that he cares. 

Most politicians, and Bill Clinton comes to mind, can fake it with the best of them. Joe can’t. Compassion by fake proxy is not compassion, especially when you have to lie.

So much of Joe’s life is a lie.

To seem like a normal person, rather than a pampered wealthy kid who’s never held a real job in his life, Joe regularly tells the fake story about how he was told he rode a million miles on Amtrack by a conductor who was long dead by the time he was allegedly told this. The whole thing has been proven to be a lie, yet he repeats it all the time.

Joe lies about being involved in the Civil Rights Movement, but only when talking to black audiences. When he’s not, he admits he had nothing to do with it, even though he easily could have. He’s claimed to have grown up in the Jewish community, the black community and the Puerto Rican community, even though everyone knows those are lies. 

He’s told the story of how he was arrested trying to visit Nelson Mandela in prison, even though he only directed to exit the South African airport through a separate “whites only” door, which he did. This happened at an airport more than a thousand miles away from Mandela’s prison island, but Biden was never asked why he didn’t fly to the major city with an international airport right there. 

That’s how he’s able to get away with all of this – because the people with the jobs that are supposed to hold him to account aren’t interested in doing so; they’re his enablers, not honest brokers.

Forrest Gump was always “there,” Joe Biden never was. Gump didn’t bother talking about what he’d seen and been a part of because it was just his life, it wasn’t trying to impress anyone because he was content to be himself. Joe Biden inserts himself into everything, even tangentially, because he needs to feel important. Narcissistic frauds always lie, their egos can’t be satiated by the truth or sharing the spotlight. It’s gross, but it’s more sad. Sad that this decrepit fraud will go to his grave in a bed of lies, hoping he’d fooled everyone while knowing he failed at that as much as he failed at everything else.