A lawyer and an accountant walk into a bar. Everyone else in the bar doesn’t care.
Our friends over at Above the Law published a debate
between an ex-lawyer and ex-accountant over which profession was more
god-awful. I didn't read the whole thing but whatever the conclusion, it
matters not. This is a pointless conversation that will be argued until
the end of civilization or when robots take over both professions,
whichever comes first.
Yet, the debate rages on. Why? I have ideas:
Lawyers -- Lawyers like to have this conversation
because they like talking about money even more than accountants do.
They also like to use the farcical prestige of their profession to
belittle a profession that they consider to be just an army of simpleton
number crunchers.
Accountants -- Accountants like to have this
conversation because they enjoy pointing out that lawyers make bad life
choices. Seriously, what kind of person willingly pursues a career that
is stacked in the favor of the students at the most elite schools,
results in a six-figure school loan debt, an evaporated job market, and
no useful skills? The answer: A very stupid person.
Despite the futile nature of this discussion, in the spirit of good
Internet sport, I will extend this fruitless debate further, thus
continuing the endless circle of petty bickering that both accountants
and lawyers relish. Don't wanna to do it, but feel like I owe it to
you.
I’ve come up with four main areas of discussion to compare the two
professions. After reading them, feel free to add your comments should
you believe I missed anything. I plan to nail this, though, so maybe
don't bother. Anyway, let's do this.
The Work
There are lawyers who say law is awesome and accounting is boring.
There are accountants who say accounting is awesome and law is boring.
There are lawyers and accountants who will tell you that the work of
both profession is boring. To this latter group, I would say shut up and
stop obsessing over money.
What it comes down to is fear. That is, do you fear numbers or
words? Your opinion on how “boring” either law or accounting is based
solely on how you answer that question. Which your fear is, you're just
ignorant and incapable of empathy which makes you a bad person.
Money
Lawyers make more starting out; they make more over the long haul.
I’m sure any enterprising accountant could prove me wrong with an
elaborately designed spreadsheet but I don’t give a fuck. Not a single
one.
Money is a pointless topic within this debate because anyone who is
motivated primarily by money is myopic and soulless. I’d avoid any
profession that is populated with these type of people (which probably
explains why I work at home, ALL ALONE *sob*)
If you want to be rich, you’re going to have to start a business
and make it wildly successful. In this highly unlikely event, then you
will have enough money to throw scraps to the ground and watch lawyers
and accountants fight over them just to serve you, while you laugh
maniacally. Fun!
Colleagues
Ahhhhh, there’s nothing quite like the incessant bitching of
over-educated, entitled professionals who have an inflated sense of
self-worth. Determining which group of professionals suck the life out
of your soul more effectively is also a futile exercise. In either law
or accounting, misery loves company that loves company that loves
misery. You're doomed to be surrounded by people you don't like or want
to talk to.
Speaking of conversation -- you can pick your poison: Do you want
to talk about legal work or accounting work? Because that’s what your
colleagues are going to talk to you about 99% of the time. The other 1%
of the time, you’re discussing sports or
your Plan B commute or the camera on your new smartphone or how you
need to get back into your workout routine or the real estate values in
your neighborhood or any other topic that your average white-collar
working stiff thinks is interesting to someone else.
Career Prospects
Don’t get me started on the empty ambitions of these two groups.
Lawyers all think they can either be Senators or that they want to save
the children/whales/Africa with their scholarly legal intellect. Or
maybe they'll just give it all up and become the next John Grisham! In
reality, they can’t accept the fact that most of them will either do
estate planning for people far, far wealthier than they’ll ever be or
chasing ambulances and shooting low-budget commercials that will air
after midnight.
Accountants, on the other hand, all want to be Gordon Gekko except
they don’t have the smarts or the charisma or the guts to take a chance
on anything but the cream cheese they want on their bagel. When they’ve
realized that the best options they have are either being a partner at a
small accounting firm or controller of a real estate company that
specializes in storage units, they lose all ambition because those two
jobs allow you a somewhat decent life.
Except for the part where you’re a partner a small accounting firm
or controller of a real estate company that specializes in storage
units.
Conclusion
To sum it up, lawyers and accountants tie for the worstest and this
post will undoubtedly go down in history as the authoritative
literature on the subject. Discuss.
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